Growing: Crisis


Have you ever had one of those moments where you just question everything you are doing in your life? You question why you are doing what you are doing and question your happiness.Your mind starts to wonder where you would be if you were doing something totally different. You question every decision you have ever made in your life.

I call it a part of growing. Not just growing up but growing because I truly believe everyone goes through these at some point in life regardless of age. Or I like to believe I am not the only person to ever go through these crises.

Recently within the past few weeks, I have had some occurrence that made me realize and rethink everything I was doing in my life. School is usually always something I enjoy and one thing that has also always come easy to me. This past week, it has come to my attention that this semester is not something I enjoy. I don’t enjoy going to school and avoid it as much as possible. I would rather work and focus on other aspects in my life then attend school.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that it is a necessity to move forward in life but that doesn’t mean I don’t still feel the way I feel.

I know I have always had this opinion. I remember having this feeling back in high school. I have always known I have been someone who will enjoy working full-time and enjoying that rather than attending school. Granted, I completely disagree with our school system but that has never really influenced my option on going to school.

I find myself focusing on other aspects in my life to make myself happy, since school isn’t providing that. Work has always been a safe spot for me to fee that but I have started to question what am I really doing with my life and will this truly help me move to the spot I want to in life. There is so much I want to conquer and so much I want to do that it’s hard for me to even comprehend.

Since I have found happiness in other parts in my life, I have also started to question my social life, and what I find I want to of friendships and what I find who I want to spend my time with.

You know, life is a weird thing. It really is and if anyone says anything otherwise I question them.

It’s like you start to question one part in your life and that leads to question everything else in life. EVERYTHING. I have literally sat and digested everything going on in my life and for me, I am just dumbfounded with somethings I have done and have been doing.

If only life was as easy as leaving certain things behind or just simply being able to voice everything you have ever felt but of course we live in a society where that is not even in question.

There are moments, like today, where I just want to pick up everything I have and live that rolling stone life. Just pick up my stuff and see where life takes me. To just live spontaneously. To follow my gut and just live with what my heart says to do.

If only it was that easy, and that is when I get snapped back into reality and realize I just need to struggle through this part of my life and take deep breaths. I can start looking into my life and start to think what I need to change. Life is all about change and sometimes it’s absolutely necessary.

Remember, that your life isn’t permanent and some things are necessary to do but you can always hang other aspect in your life to make your self so much happier.

That’s my goal this week.

Much Love,

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