Finding relief

A scary, nervous, and unusable term.

A scary prospect that many people are scared to do because it’s not a very common thing, or so they think.

Or at least that is what I interpreted as a term.

Let me throw out a disclaimer right now: My university I currently attend is not a bad school at ALL. It just isn’t the perfect fit for me.

As I left for college, I expected it to be the best thing I have ever experienced. You hear all the adult stories about how college was the best years of their life and it was the best experience they will never get again. You watch movies where all you see is college being a huge party with everyone having an amazing social life and the academics just being hard but not to hard. You get this preconceived idea in your mind about how college is suppose to be. I stepped on campus thinking I was going to get exactly that.

As I went on campus for the first time, I was so overwhelmed with everything that was around me. I had to take it all in. It was all really scary and I didn’t quiet know how to handle it but it was the typical newbie nerves. As school went on, I found myself trying to fit in with everyone around me. See I go to a school in Southern California, and I am from the Pacific Northwest. Two very different personalities. I never thought it would be such a drastic difference between two states that were on the same coast but it really is, and as the semester went on I realized the way SoCal residence go about their life is completely different than what I am use to. Continuing with the semester I realized how much I was excited and counting down the days till I was able to go home and visit. I realized I was starting to sleep a lot and that I just didn’t care to go to school anymore. The moment I was back home, I was so much happier and so much more relieved, and I never wanted to go back.

I started recognizing my feelings as something that wasn’t normal. I mean it wasn’t like I was doing anything wrong in my college life, I am in a sorority, I have friends, I am going out doing different things and exploring LA but something just didn’t feel right. As I talked with many of my friends, I realized that they were happy with where they were and wouldn’t change a thing, so why did I feel different?

The word transferring brought up many mixed emotions. I never really considered it because I hate change. I love what is comfortable for me, even if it makes me sad and unhappy. I started looking into schools and just got stressed out by the thought of all the work that was needed to be going into actually transferring if I wanted to. It’s stressful looking for a new school that you never really considered before.

As spring break rolled around, I took action in one school that really stood out to me that was in my hometown. I emailed with their transfer counselor and set up appointments. I met with them over spring break and fell in love with the school and the people in it. I felt truly connect and felt I would thrive if I attended it. So, I think I am ready to take that leap of faith one last time. Don’t get me wrong, I am scared shitless. I am going to a brand new school where I know nobody and expecting it to be different. I really hope it is and that taking that leap of faith was completely worth it. I have gotten a lot of negativity from my decisions because I have talked about how the school I am attending now was my dream school, but dreams do change and that is okay. It’s not 100% official but since I know I have talked about it and really know I will be closer to home, I feel so much more relieved and feel so much less pressure.

Long story short, if you feel in your heart where you are isn’t where you are suppose to be, follow your gut and those who support you will follow.

Much Love,


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